Saturday, February 11, 2012

Valentine's Day 2012

Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is next week, but all of my current clients are talking about romantic relationships. I'm not sure I can write another blog about love but this are random thoughts that come to mind based on clients in 2012.

Human programming generally is about finding a partner - especially when one is a young adult - and planning to live together happily ever after - or something like that. People have hits and misses on this part of their quest - a driven force for some - the fear of being alone for others. Motivational factors are endless and vary in each decade of one's life.

How does one read the signals from a partner? It all goes to their emotional programming and needs. You get older ... you develop better understanding and coping mechanisms about yourself in relationships.

Lets' face it ... in 2012 many people are shy of commitment and who can blame them.

This part of the program boggles my mind - arranged marriages still exist, though we know they don't work either. An example ... in my local Hasidic community, people can't have sex until they get married which is expected in late teens or early 20's. Seriously ... how long can a teenage boy on permanent hormones hold out. Some do, others seek sex elsewhere. And what do you do if you're gay? Oy vey! And how does he afford to support a family?

If we took a survey of men (no names) and asked how many cheated on their wives ... you know what the response would be.

Also an issue - men who have little or no sex and are fighting the truth about being gay.

Then there are people who are programmed to never have sex so they don't. Very sad ...

Does an off again - on again relationship really work out? NO.

There may or may not be a soulmate (in the romantic sense) out there for you and if there is, you will find each other when the timing is right or not as the clock is ticking.

People think they have time and energy for relationships when in truth most don't.

Dating can get boring and expensive, and for many women, a scary place to visit.

Online dating services can result in matchmaking for fun but the percentage of people who stay together is low.

The best date ever ... a gorgeous NJ female client who has money joined an expensive dating service to meet a male partner in the same space. She met a great guy who flew her to Florida (he flew her there in his plane) for their first date. It was like a reality show but he was a great guy - both in their 30's and professionals. They dated awhile, but she wanted something more serious and he was a free spirit, so it ended. What would make a guy like that marry? It would take a lot. It's all the reasons George Clooney never married - no need to get involved in all the sticky stuff or to have children. Some people want marriage, some try it and say "never again" and others see no reason to be committed.

We live in crazy times with crazy people where not knowing your lover and settling on a relationship for the wrong reasons gets you screwed in more ways than one.

This is the weekend before Valentine's Day which is about romantic love. It taps into our emotions more than most other holidays - because it often presents challenges about relationships. People ask, "Do you love me? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Where is this relationship going? Are we growing apart? Do we need couples therapy? Do we need to take a break?"

Either it works or it doesn't.

There are the surprises and the disappointments that follow in the next few days ... often coming with long and short term commitments. In 2012 romance is far from dead so go out and embrace it. Women tell me that men will break up before Valentine's Day so they don't have to give them a gift or commit. How lame! Ladies ... you don't want a man like that. A real man has true feelings and speaks them honestly. He does not just give a box of candy, flowers, or whatever as a token gift. He might suggest dinner or something else romantic. Think about it.